During a custody case, it’s a question that can shake a parent to their core: “Can I live with_______?” or “I want to live with_______.”
It might come up during a tearful car ride or a quiet bedtime moment. It might be said in frustration, confusion, or genuine preference. However it surfaces, one thing is clear: a child’s voice matters.
In family law situations, though, it’s not as simple as asking and receiving. Children do not get to make final decisions in court, but they are heard. Often, the person responsible for ensuring that a child’s voice is carried forward with care is the Guardian Ad Litem (GAL).
👂 Does the Court Listen to the Child’s Wishes?
Yes, but with careful balance. Alabama law allows a judge to consider a child’s wishes, especially if the child is old enough and mature enough to express them clearly. However, a child’s preference is just one factor among many. It is not the deciding vote. Why?
The reason is that what a child wants emotionally may not always align with what they need for long-term stability and growth. Judges must consider safety, structure, consistency, and the overall “best interests of the child,” not just who the child feels closest to in the moment. This is where the GAL steps in as a translator of truth, reading between the lines of a child’s words and emotions. Their report will reflect whether the child’s wish coincides with what the child needs to thrive after the case closes.
🧠 How GALs Help Interpret a Child’s Wishes
A Guardian Ad Litem is specially trained to speak with children in developmentally appropriate ways. They know how to build trust, ask thoughtful questions, and recognize when a child is speaking from fear, guilt, or pressure, instead of genuine preference.
A child may feel torn between parents, unsure of what is “okay” to say. They might think expressing loyalty to one parent could hurt the other. Or worse, they may have been coached intentionally or unintentionally to say what one parent hopes the judge will hear.
For example, a child might say:
- “I want to stay with Mom because she lets me stay up late.”
- “I miss Dad because I don’t see him much.”
- “If I say it, I’ll get in trouble.”
GALs do not take those words at face value. They gently investigate further. They may visit both homes, talk to teachers, counselors, and extended family, and observe how the child behaves around each parent.
They also pay close attention to inconsistencies. A child who says they want to live with one parent but then seems nervous, withdrawn, or overly compliant in that home may be offering a “scripted” answer rather than a heartfelt one.
The GAL’s job is not simply to ask, “What do you want?” It’s to understand why the child feels that way and whether that desire supports their emotional, physical, and developmental needs.
🏡 How Are These Conversations with Children Handled?
Unlike courtroom proceedings, GAL interviews with children are calm, private, and age-appropriate. A young child might be engaged through coloring or play while gently asked about their daily routines or favorite things at home. Older children may be given more space to speak freely about their feelings, fears, and hopes for how the divorce or custody arrangement will affect them.
These conversations are never meant for interrogation. GALs are trained to reduce pressure and avoid putting the child in the middle of the parents’ conflict.
The GAL often becomes the one adult in the legal process who speaks to the child as a child, not a witness, not a messenger, and certainly not a decision-maker. Just a person who deserves to be heard.
⚖️ What Alabama Judges Consider When Weighing a Child’s Preference
In addition to the GAL’s input, judges may take a child’s preferences into account based on:
- The child’s age and maturity level
- Whether the preference appears informed and consistent
- Whether either parent is exerting influence or pressure
- Whether the preferred arrangement provides stability, school continuity, and emotional safety
Typically, older children (around age 12 and up) may have more weight given to their opinion. However, Alabama law does not set a firm age when a child gets to choose. The preference is weighed in light of all other factors, including the GAL’s report and the overall context of the child’s situation.
It is also worth noting: even if a child expresses a wish to live with a particular parent, the court may override that preference if there are concerns about neglect, unsafe supervision, emotional harm, or unstable home conditions.
💬 What Parents Should Not Do
It is tempting to try to “win” your child’s affection in a custody case by trying to be the fun parent, the permissive one, or the one who says all the right things. Judges and GALs can usually tell when a child has been coached or manipulated. These attempts often backfire and will harm your credibility in court.
Avoid the following:
- Asking your child to choose where they want to live
- Speaking negatively about the other parent in front of your child
- Sharing legal details or asking your child about the GAL’s interviews
- Putting your child in the middle emotionally or using them as a go-between
The most powerful thing a parent can do is provide emotional steadiness and let the child experience unconditional support, no matter what is said or decided in court.
🌱 Giving Children a Voice — Without Giving Them the Burden
There is a reason children are not handed legal power in custody cases; the responsibility is too heavy. No child should feel responsible for choosing between parents. This does not mean their voice goes unheard.
Thanks to GALs, children do get to share their thoughts, their fears, and their hopes. That input, when delivered with care, helps judges make decisions that reflect not only legal fairness but also emotional truth. The goal is not to give children the pressure of adult choices. The goal is to give them the dignity of being seen and protected. Children do not need to choose a side. What they need is to know someone is truly listening while people are busy listening to the adults decide their future. That person is the GAL, an attorney who is there exclusively to carry the child’s word with the weight of an adult’s voice.
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